MAKING LOVE: SIDE-BY-SIDE POSITIONS 2
By slight alterations in movement, side-by-side positions can produce a wide variety of new sensations. By rolling backwards a woman opens up her vulva considerably and leaves her clitoris free for herself or her partner to caress. Drawing her legs upwards increases penetration. By changing the position of his legs and thighs, the man can achieve different movements and control the pressure that the root of the penis directs against his partner’s vulva.
Drawing her legs up along her partner’s back and sides can increase penetration, particularly if she presses with her legs and feet, coaxing him to thrust further into her
Changing the position of his legs and thighs can enable him to achieve different thrusting movements and new sensations for them both
1 The woman places her bent leg on top of her partner’s hip as he pushes his thigh between hers. Then she should lie back and her partner can lean into her, keeping his legs stretched out straight. One of his hands is free to caress her, while she has both free to attend to him. He has more freedom to attempt some active movements while bestowing some caresses.
2 By bringing his leg back up, the man can now make strong pushing movements. He can increase the pressure by using his hands to press his partner’s buttocks next to his hips.
Man
These positions provide plenty of body contact. The man has enough freedom to experiment with various movements to give new sensations. Movement is somewhat limited, but he is free to grasp his partner’s buttocks and pull her on to his penis.
Woman
These positions can supply plenty of pressure to the vulva for increased stimulation. They also are good in late pregnancy because they allow a woman plenty of space from her partner, and his penetrating and thrusting can be restricted.
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APHRODISIACS: FANTASIES
Everyone fantasizes. It would be very odd if we didn’t, because fantasy is a form of sexual rehearsal along paths that are familiar and also some that are entirely new and imaginary. We all respond to fantasies because the brain is the most important organ of sexual pleasure. As the seat of emotions, it can be responsible for turning us on or off sex. If we are full of resentment,
grief-stricken, angry, anxious or miserable, the most attractive person in the world will not seem so, and any amount of foreplay will not arouse us. On the other hand, being sexually aware, being interested in sex, thinking about it and fantasizing about it will all be arousing. In this sense, it would seem that the brain is the most crucial sex organ because it can override our sexual urges in any direction, either by turning them off, or by turning them on. Fantasies, therefore, are one of the cheapest and most effective sexual aids.
The best sexual fantasies, the ones that offer maximum pleasure, usually centre around ideal situations – ones that are, for practical purposes, unobtainable in “real life”. And, also unlike real life, they can be turned on and off at will, either to accelerate or calm sexual activity. Often, we use fantasy to concentrate our minds on what is actually happening to us during our own lovemaking. We “see” what is happening as well as experiencing it. This helps to focus our attention on our own sexual responses, and encourages the brain to respond even more enthusiastically to the signals of arousal it is receiving. It then sends out hormones that increase the excitement in our genital organs.
In rare cases, a person can become so fixed on a particular fantasy that they cannot become aroused without it. While a fantasy that exercises such a strong hold over your imagination can be very useful during masturbation, it can get in the way of shared sexual activities. Instead of concentrating on how your partner is reacting, and what you can do to please him or her, you can become fixed on bringing your fantasy to life, and thus seem remote and non-responsive.
Sharing fantasies is another way of personalizing your relationship, and can be introduced into a long-term sexual relationship to add new excitement and rekindle arousal. Some people are happy to join in a fantasy once it has been recounted; however, others may find that they cannot cope with the desires expressed, and may take their partner’s fantasy as a criticism of their lovemaking, which can put a considerable pressure on the relationship. If you are in doubt about what to share, bide your time until you see the situation more clearly.
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FOREPLAY: WHAT A WOMAN LIKES
One of the reasons why petting is so potent and so enjoyed by women is that it arouses and prepares them for sexual intercourse. For women, intercourse is welcome only when they have had enough stimulation so that the vagina lubricates and unfolds, ready to receive the penis. Without the chance to build up the level of sex hormones through kissing, caressing and petting, intercourse can be very uncomfortable for a woman. Most men underestimate how long this takes, since their own erections occur much more quickly.
Kissing should lead into and blend with caresses all over a woman’s body. Most women prefer initial caresses to be in areas other than the breasts and genitals, but once they have begun to feel aroused, they do enjoy having their breasts and bottoms stimulated. Breasts, however, need careful stroking until a woman is more highly aroused, then more passionate kissing, sucking and stroking are pleasurable. Most women like their buttocks caressed or squeezed; some enjoy gentle smacking. Only when a woman is sufficiently aroused does she want her partner to move on to genital caresses. Women differ in their tastes, but most prefer initial genital caresses to be gentle, with harder, more vigorous movements as they near orgasm.
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THE FIRST SEXUAL EXPERIENCE: INITIATING SEX
While a few individuals believe that one-night stands are one of the most satisfactory forms of human relationships, the majority of people feel that, in addition to physical attraction, there has to be love, and love involves knowing someone intimately. In fact, sex is the ultimate act of knowing. But in order to know someone, you have to show yourself to them. For the majority of people knowing is not easy; you feel vulnerable and open to the possibility of being rejected, which can be extremely painful. Sex can rarely be fulfilling without knowing your partner and showing yourself. No relationship can thrive where these two basic ingredients are missing. Right from the outset, you must tell the truth and nothing but the truth.
Becoming intimate Sex is our primary way of showing love. With a sympathetic, loving and open partner, it can be a magical voyage of discovery.
Any other form of behaviour is distancing and hypocritical; you must represent yourself honestly. In a loving relationship, even a white lie is an insult and extremely damaging. Honesty in itself is arousing; it can be a stimulant. Truth is probably the best aphrodisiac.
Everyone is vulnerable, both emotionally and romantically, so in a relationship that will involve love and sex, you should declare your vulnerability. Don’t forget that having sex is a decision as well as an impulse, and it doesn’t mean that you have to lose control. It means letting your partner know that the basic reason for your being there is that you are looking for love; you are looking for someone to bond with. When you decide to have sex with someone you are being intimate with all they are; so declare all you are.
The myth of romanticized women and eroticized men distorts the natural interaction that takes place between the two sexes. The infinite range of human experiences through holding, touching, feeling, stimulating, trusting, talking and listening to one another is involved in sexual interaction, and it is a distortion of the male and female personality to say that love and sex is the sole prerogative of either gender.
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ORGASM
Orgasm, the climax of sensation, is a uniquely human experience. For men, orgasm depends almost entirely on the stimulation of the penis, either by hand or mouth, as well as the vaginal walls, and is usually, though not always, accompanied by ejaculation of seminal fluid. For women, clitoral stimulation and movement of the penis within the vagina, prolonged through skill and experience, produce these intense feelings, although they can reach orgasm in other ways, for instance by manual or oral stimulation of the clitoris, vagina or “G” spot. About one woman in ten experiences the emission of fluid from the urethra with orgasm. It is thought that this fluid comes from the Skene’s glands, which run alongside the urethra, since it is not urine or vaginal mucus.
Orgasms vary: mood, level of energy or fatigue, amount and type of loveplay, the level of mutual trust, and what is happening in either partner’s life, all have their effects on the sensation. And not every sexual experience can, nor should, end in orgasm; there are times when orgasms are a natural outcome of sexual activities and others where lovers will have orgasms only if they really work at them.
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