APHRODISIACS: FANTASIES
Everyone fantasizes. It would be very odd if we didn’t, because fantasy is a form of sexual rehearsal along paths that are familiar and also some that are entirely new and imaginary. We all respond to fantasies because the brain is the most important organ of sexual pleasure. As the seat of emotions, it can be responsible for turning us on or off sex. If we are full of resentment,
grief-stricken, angry, anxious or miserable, the most attractive person in the world will not seem so, and any amount of foreplay will not arouse us. On the other hand, being sexually aware, being interested in sex, thinking about it and fantasizing about it will all be arousing. In this sense, it would seem that the brain is the most crucial sex organ because it can override our sexual urges in any direction, either by turning them off, or by turning them on. Fantasies, therefore, are one of the cheapest and most effective sexual aids.
The best sexual fantasies, the ones that offer maximum pleasure, usually centre around ideal situations – ones that are, for practical purposes, unobtainable in “real life”. And, also unlike real life, they can be turned on and off at will, either to accelerate or calm sexual activity. Often, we use fantasy to concentrate our minds on what is actually happening to us during our own lovemaking. We “see” what is happening as well as experiencing it. This helps to focus our attention on our own sexual responses, and encourages the brain to respond even more enthusiastically to the signals of arousal it is receiving. It then sends out hormones that increase the excitement in our genital organs.
In rare cases, a person can become so fixed on a particular fantasy that they cannot become aroused without it. While a fantasy that exercises such a strong hold over your imagination can be very useful during masturbation, it can get in the way of shared sexual activities. Instead of concentrating on how your partner is reacting, and what you can do to please him or her, you can become fixed on bringing your fantasy to life, and thus seem remote and non-responsive.
Sharing fantasies is another way of personalizing your relationship, and can be introduced into a long-term sexual relationship to add new excitement and rekindle arousal. Some people are happy to join in a fantasy once it has been recounted; however, others may find that they cannot cope with the desires expressed, and may take their partner’s fantasy as a criticism of their lovemaking, which can put a considerable pressure on the relationship. If you are in doubt about what to share, bide your time until you see the situation more clearly.
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