THE FIRST SEXUAL EXPERIENCE: INITIATING SEX
While a few individuals believe that one-night stands are one of the most satisfactory forms of human relationships, the majority of people feel that, in addition to physical attraction, there has to be love, and love involves knowing someone intimately. In fact, sex is the ultimate act of knowing. But in order to know someone, you have to show yourself to them. For the majority of people knowing is not easy; you feel vulnerable and open to the possibility of being rejected, which can be extremely painful. Sex can rarely be fulfilling without knowing your partner and showing yourself. No relationship can thrive where these two basic ingredients are missing. Right from the outset, you must tell the truth and nothing but the truth.
Becoming intimate Sex is our primary way of showing love. With a sympathetic, loving and open partner, it can be a magical voyage of discovery.
Any other form of behaviour is distancing and hypocritical; you must represent yourself honestly. In a loving relationship, even a white lie is an insult and extremely damaging. Honesty in itself is arousing; it can be a stimulant. Truth is probably the best aphrodisiac.
Everyone is vulnerable, both emotionally and romantically, so in a relationship that will involve love and sex, you should declare your vulnerability. Don’t forget that having sex is a decision as well as an impulse, and it doesn’t mean that you have to lose control. It means letting your partner know that the basic reason for your being there is that you are looking for love; you are looking for someone to bond with. When you decide to have sex with someone you are being intimate with all they are; so declare all you are.
The myth of romanticized women and eroticized men distorts the natural interaction that takes place between the two sexes. The infinite range of human experiences through holding, touching, feeling, stimulating, trusting, talking and listening to one another is involved in sexual interaction, and it is a distortion of the male and female personality to say that love and sex is the sole prerogative of either gender.
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